Waiting for the Want-To

By Connie Pinkham

At the time of this writing, I am waiting for my two youngest grandchildren to wake up. Their parents both work very early today. I came to their house and made myself comfy on their couch. I didn’t want the children pulled out of bed and brought to me in the wee hours of the morning. Not a great way to start a day…for them or for me!

I’ve spent a lot of time waiting. Even as a child, I remember waiting. Waiting with raised arm for my turn in the school classroom. Waiting for recess. Waiting for milk-break. (Anyone remember those?)

I waited for my skinny little body to ‘fill out’. (Not waiting on that anymore! Chuckle,,,)

I waited to be in junior high, then waited for high school, then waited for graduation.

I waited to leave home, get a job and work for my own money, have my own place to live.

I waited to be married, to have babies. I waited nine months then waited nine long hours of labor.

I waited for crawling, walking, talking, and for potty training to be done.

Waiting is a regular exercise in life, but with each passing year, the waiting is different. Maybe it is because my birthday is looming and the years are piling up. What is it I am waiting for now? How much time to wait do I even have left?

On the mirror of one of my salon work stations, I once had a familiar scripture, “…those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” ( Isaiah 40:31)

I had come thru a long and difficult season. I had waited even though I sure didn’t want to. He did indeed renew my strength, eventually. I had a fresh start, new place, new business, and new energy. The waiting seemed so long in the midst of it, but after it was over, it seemed brief. I guess that is the norm as we look back. Hindsight is so different! 20/20 the old saying goes…

I thanked God many times for bringing me thru the waiting, and for what He provided on the other side of it. I thanked Him for the ‘want-to’ that fueled my going on. I don’t always have the ‘want-to’ even when I know I SHOULD want to. (‘Old and tired’ has been my excuse for years. And I wasn’t even old when I started to humorously use that phrase as an excuse to complain and procrastinate.)

There are people older than I am who have more ‘want-to’ than I do and are busy going about DOING it. People younger than I am have dropped dead! I wonder if they accomplished all they wanted to. More importantly, did they accomplish all God wanted and purposed for them?

With birthday #71 looming, I think about things like this, but will anything change because of it? I mean, at this point, waiting sure might not be a good idea.

There is a spiritual truth here we should not miss…waiting on God is best.

Our rushing God’s timing is never a good idea. But on the other hand, delayed obedience is DISobedience. If I wait to be obedient, I have chosen to be DISobedient. I wish I could say I am like the Psalmist, “I made haste and did not delay to keep Your commandments.” (Psalm 119:60 MKJV) I simply can not say that of myself. Can you? Like me, do you stall and procrastinate?

I confess, I sometimes don’t obey because I simply do not want to. I chronically suffer from a lack of ‘want-to’. (Is it just me, or have you ever understood God’s instructions and found them something you just did not want to be obedient in? Maybe just me….but I doubt it.)

I am in good company even if you aren’t in this predicament. The apostle Paul struggled with the same human problem.

“What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another…I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it: I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions…it happens so regularly that it’s predictable. ” (taken from Romans 7:15-21 from The Message)

When we don’t have enough ‘want-to’, we have an alternative, the same alternative our brother Paul had when he despaired, “What a terrible failure I am! Who will save me…the answer, thank God… He will do it through Jesus Christ…” (Romans 7:24-25 NIrV)

Reader, it will matter how long you wait. You will never conquer your own ‘want-to’. You need help and there is only One Source. Jesus.

Hallelujah.